Sunday, July 3, 2011

When do I eat, and why?

I'm loving my new venture into the weight loss world. Why? Because I'm not running into it full force, starting strong, peaking at 2 weeks, bragging to everyone that Ive lost 10 lbs, only to be tempted by Cold Stone, and letting my entire game plan go to hell.

 Today was not a diet day. Not even close. I didn't eat breakfast. I didn't eat lunch. Ryan and I went to a movie at 12:40pm (First date since Brayden was born).. so, I ate half of a Snickers, a pack of M&Ms, Coke, and too much popcorn. Probably 1,500 horrible, no good, used calories... and because they were empty calories, by the time we left the theater... I was starving and I had a stomach ache from being loaded with junk. Ryan and I went to Firehouse around 3pm, where I got a Club on a Sub sandwich.... where I'm sure I tipped my daily calorie intake way into the 2,000's. It is now 11:30pm, and I'm eating a PB&J with a glass of 1% milk, because I am starving. I may or may not finish my other half of Snickers that's frozen in my freezer . Are you totally grossed out yet?

This new venture is allowing me to reflect a lot. My reflection today involves routine. Ive put a lot of thought into when I eat and why I eat. Do I eat when I'm hungry? Or do I eat because its breakfast/lunch/dinner? The more I started thinking, I realized that even when I was super thin, my eating habits sucked.

I never eat because its time to eat. I eat when I am hungry.. and by the time I notice, because I'm always so busy playing with Brayden, talking, blogging, cleaning, running around like a mad woman.... I'm STARVING. I often get the "shakes" because I haven't eaten. So when I finally eat, I eat eat eat until I feel satisfied. I'm consuming way to many calories this way.

I have zero sense of time when I eat. Breakfast means 11am.... Lunch usually doesn't happen, and if it does.. it happens when Ryan comes home on his lunch break, meaning I'm eating lunch when I'm not hungry at all, just an hour after my breakfast. I don't eat again until dinner... 6-7 hours later. Again, I'm starving.. so I eat like a maniac. Digest. And then I'm hungry again around 10pm, because even though I ate that day, I didn't space out my meals to feed my body effectively.

Once my "diet" starts... I will make an effort to eat a balanced meal every 4-5 hours, with healthy snacks between.. and no snacking after 8pm.

I also have the issue of eating when I'm bored. I know, who the hell has a 5 month old and manages to be bored? The true answer is: No one. Including me. I should never be bored, because there is always a million things to do when Brayden is napping. Laundry, dishes, wash bottles, fold clothes, vacuum, sanitize something, research something, return a phone call, make an appointment, organize something, clean out the fridge, restock the diaper bag, dust, sort through junk mail, cut coupons, plan meals, organize coupons according to my next shopping trip, cook, pluck eyebrows, beg Ryan to go to the dentist for his toothache... the list never ends. But, somehow... more then once a day, I find myself parked on the couch and eating. (Hey, stay at home moms are allowed breaks too!) The eating part needs to be cut out. Or, I need to make healthier bored eating selections. Ice cream and Gushers aren't going to cut it.

I need to cut the empty eating and empty calories out. I need to eat BEFORE I'm starving. I need to eat structured meals at decent times.

I just asked Ryan to get me my frozen Snickers. His response? "I already ate it"
Damn it!

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Contemplating my plan of action....

I'm still trying to figure out how I want to go about this weight loss thing. I want to do this the right way, but I have a need to see results. Results are what keep me motivated. I have some diet pills left over from a few months before I got pregnant. Thinking about finishing those off. I know this is an awful thing to even admit, but hearing others say "You've lost weight!", or "Wow, looking good, Ang!" makes it THAT much easier to not cheat, and really helps keep my head in the right place.

I'm doing this for the results, after all... Right?

My next hurdle is cooking healthy. I'm huge on flavor. But, I do not know how to cook, make it healthy, and make it tasty. Sadly, my husband hates seafood... so that really limits my options. He also hates just about every veggie aside from potatoes, corn, and peas. But, I'M the reason HE has gained weight.. Hmm... are you seeing a pattern here? Funny how I was able to lose weight and keep it off before he walked into my life with a case of beer and a bag full of cheese burgers! (I love you, honey)

I guess Ill add the quest to finding healthy, tasty meals to this blog also. When I find a good one, Ill post it. How awesome if I am actually able to help and motivate someone else? Talk about holding myself accountable! That would be amazing...

Am I on my diet yet? No. I have 3 pints of Ben and Jerry's in my freezer. My father in law is coming over for ravioli tomorrow night. And its Fourth of July weekend for crying out loud. Heck, I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to balance being healthy, working out, and spending enough time being a good mom. Maybe Brayden will enjoy watching his mother bounce around the living room, while I do Zumba. Not scaring him for life, before the age of 1 is on my bucket list though....

Decisions, Decisions.....

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

And this is why Im fat...

My name is Angela. And this is my journey into the world of weight loss.
Thanks for supporting me.
I'm Cuban and Italian. Lets just get that out of the way, before I go any further. Rice, beans, pasta, and bread are staples in my life. I have a sick obsession with chocolate, ice cream, and Coke. I would rather bake, have a carb-ey lunch with a friend, or sit outside of a Starbucks sipping a 3,000 calorie Grande Mocha Caramel Frappe, heavy on the whip then run a mile. Holidays aren't the holidays without 10 different kinds of my Moms made-from-scratch cookies. My heart sings when I drink Sangria with extra simple syrup. My favorite lip gloss flavor when I was a kid was called "Frosting". I'm a lick the bowl kind of girl, because Lord help me if a drop of batter goodness goes to waste. Food is a passion. There is no such thing as "Eating to live".... I definitely Live to Eat. And I love my life that way. I love my life, just the way it is.

But I don't love my body. I used to though. I miss the confidence I felt every time I walked into a store, and everything I put on looked awesome. I miss walking into a room of people, and not wondering if anyone is noticing my new chin, extra chubby arms, or that I squeezed into my jeans which produced the dreaded muffin top. I miss wearing a super cute bathing suit. I miss having clothes that are big.

I have struggled with my self image my entire life. It had nothing to do with anyone, or anything... but everything to do with being a perfectionist. I have a deep desire to have a perfect house, perfect little family, perfect attitude.... perfect body. I was a skinny kid... but I remember feeling self conscious for the first time when I was about 8. The beginning of puberty, while growing out the worst hair mistake ever. Seriously, my 2 brothers and I had identical haircuts. Anyway, I remember thinking I was fat. But, I wasn't. When I was about 11, I chubbed up a bit as the hips and boobs started growing into their adult place. I grew taller soon after, and my curves stretched out. Freshman year of high school, the desire to love my self image turned itself way up. I went on my first diet, and lost 20lbs. Sophomore year, I gained. Junior year, I lost it again. Senior year.... I went up and down. College is what really sucked. Freshman 15 turned into freshman 50. I had an hour drive to school. I left the house at 6:30am to get to an 8am class. Whats for breakfast? McDonald's, during my drive.. what else? Class lasted from 8am until 12:30pm. I would drive straight from school, to work at 2pm. Whats for lunch? McDonald's, Taco Bell, Checkers, Chic Fil A. After work, I never had time to go home and eat a decent dinner.. I had to party party party. And that's what I did. I partied. I drank a lot, because that's what cool college freshman do. And then I would eat that yummy, greasy drunk people food... at 2am. Then, I would get 4 hours of sleep and repeat the cycle the very next day.

2 years of this, and I finally had enough. So, I got serious. I went to a diet doctor. I took appetite suppressants and phentermine. I ate what I was supposed to, when I was supposed to. I also worked with 150 kids, so that helped. I would go out and dance every night. I would go for long runs. Before I knew it, I had that perfect body that I wanted. I was happy. But, something was missing....

 August, 2007.... I figured out what was missing from my life. His name was Ryan, and he turned my world upside down from the day we were introduced. Before I knew it, we were madly in love, making plans for our future, and eating. Because.. that's what you do when you meet someone new. You go to the movies. You go out for ice cream. You order in pizza. You go to fancy dinners. You go out to bars with friends, and eat late night Village Inn. I have a photo of Ryan and I, the night of our first kiss. He is holding a case of beer and I'm holding a bag of McDonald's cheese burgers. Seriously.

So we moved in together. I was on my own to cook our meals.  I like butter. And bread. And pasta. So, the pounds really started coming on. We got engaged. Planned our wedding. I dieted, but it wasn't a big deal for me to lose a bunch of weight, because my dress looked better with the curves.

2 years later, after 9 months of pregnancy and a healthy baby boy... and I'm back to hating my body. I need to lose this weight in order to be 100% happy with myself. Because the rest of my life is perfect. So, here I am... Opening up my weight loss to whoever cares to read. I will use this space to keep myself motivated. I will use this space to hold myself accountable. And I will use this space to reflect. On where Ive been, where I'm at, and where I'm going....
My size 6 self.

A week into Ryan and I's relationship.....